kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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