it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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