But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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