My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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