I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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