FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
