Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
