need another drink. this is the easiest way
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
