a queef is a wish your heart makes.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
