i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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