Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
