I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
