i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
