How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
