T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
