my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
