i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
