The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
