Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
