6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
