the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
