her vagine was all disorganized.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
