Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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