i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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