I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
