And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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