Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
