i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
