Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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