If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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