Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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