listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
