cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
