Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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