You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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