allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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