This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
