Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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