well I can't set my house on fire every night
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
