I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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