every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
