therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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