Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
