so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
