"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
