5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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