New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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