ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
