On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If I die, sorry about rent.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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