Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
