Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
