I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Girls should come with a carfax report
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
